Twenty-Four: Year of Being Steadfast.

I don’t really know how long I’ve been a person who is sentimental. I’m not sure if it started when I was young or if it grew as I grew. I don’t quite fully know the past, but I do know that I intend to live as somebody who treasures sentimental moments. To be sentimental is to live with a sense of tenderness, sadness, and nostalgia. Although I don’t fully intend to live in sadness and nostalgia, I think it’s healthy + appropriate for me to want to live in tenderness. I cry at movies, in crowded restaurants, at dinner with friends, when I talk about my husband, when I share what God is doing, and on the most mundane days, I cry.  So it’s only normal for me to cry as I reflect on the past year of my life.

Typically, at the end of a year of life, I like to stop and reflect big reflections, and since reflection is what is driving me to share what God is doing in my life via a blog, I feel it’s only fair for my first post to be about sharing what God did in my last year of life.

For those of you who have grown up reading the Bible, you are probably familiar with many stories of suffering, but especially in the life of Job. Job loses everything- job + family, and a bounty of other terrible things happen to him, yet he continues on steadfast in the Lord. Although my year was not as terrible as Job’s, the Lord has taught me to be steadfast.

Steadfast_ resolutely or dutifully firm and unwavering.png

The Five Ways in Which the Lord has Taught Me to be STEADFAST

  1. In November, I remember telling my mom “something just doesn’t feel right”. I felt exhausted, worried constantly, and continually tired. I went to my doctor like most people would do and in a longer story that I’ll make short for you, through some different advice and many visits, we assessed together that I was struggling with something common among adults- anxiety. So in year twenty-four, I fought a long battle with anxiety and continue to fight it even nine months later. The Lord continues to be my strength even on my most weary of days.
  2. Y’all, in February I got married! Are you married? Y’all, it’s crazy beautiful and hard. You learn more about yourself and your own sinfulness. The Lord has shown me steadfastness in giving forgiveness more freely, loving more boldly, and becoming more selfless. This is still a journey and I’m still growing, but I can certainly whisper a quiet “thank you” to God for the pruning and weeding He is doing in this. (Love you, Ry!)
  3. In February, I felt like I was being pulled out of my current job into a new position in a different school. I’d experienced some hard things that I can’t quite write all about and I knew the Lord had something new for me. What I didn’t know is that it would take nearly twelve interviews, a couple of rejections, and some job offers that I turned down, to find my perfect fit and the school that I’ll be working in this next year. I didn’t know it’d require me to quit my one job before finding a second job. I just knew the Lord was calling me to be steadfast in Him.
  4. Friendships can be intensely overwhelming and community can be really hard. This year, I felt the Lord working as I grew in steadfastness in my friendships. There were some friendships that I had to end this past year, yet there were others that flourished. I learned to say good-bye to people that I loved knowing that the relationship was toxic. I had to remain firm in the fact that God would provide friendships for me that would be more meaningful and more safe. Even as I’m turning a page to year twenty-five, I find I’m still doing this- learning to be firm as I sort out what relationships are safe.
  5. My relationship with the Lord has really changed this year. I stopped looking to the Lord to help me “sometimes” and instead started leaning on Him to be my sufficient, all-in-all. I remember sharing with friends a few months ago, that I was scared when my season was over that I wouldn’t be as close to the Lord and that I couldn’t imagine not being as close as I was. The Lord taught me to be steadfast in Him- in His promises, in His joy, and in His strength.

Friends, in all of this, I have grown SO much. Aside from the many hours enduring anxiousness, crying heavy tears, and growing this year, I also did some amazing things. I married the most supportive man who believes that we can get through all things together and with the Lord. I was surrounded by bold friendships- people who loved me large. If you’d like to re-live my last year with me, find me on Instagram!

Through this steadfastness learned, I’ve decided to start blogging- just starting with two blog posts a month, but a way for me to share my heart with you. I didn’t think I could and I am so scared of being laughed at on the internet, but I have some sweet messages to share with you and I hope you’ll come along. Happy day after turning twenty-five-years-old, to me, and happy reading to you!

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